my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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