I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
How does one acquire holy water?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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