I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
