He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
