Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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