Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
