I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
