You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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