I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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