No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
