I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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