Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
