wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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