We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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