Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
