awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
