Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
