I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i think i have two assholes
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize