she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
