bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
