I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
