dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
