Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize