I heard we made out
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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