You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
