omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I have fence marks all over my body
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
