She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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