There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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