the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
