I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize