you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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