Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
