I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
