So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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