she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
