You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
