he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
