I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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