so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
