just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
