Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
