Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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