I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
