he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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