So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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