There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
