is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
