We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
