Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
