And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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