The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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