Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
