Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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