So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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