sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
