I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
MIDGETS
????
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
