am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
