the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
