i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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