okay pat passed out under dana's car
farters have to be the big spoon...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
