I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
