When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize