It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
