Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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