oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
